Sora the lvl 90 Keybearer
by BlakeIy
Summary: Sure Sora is busy killing black people with a key, but when he somehow obtains a laptop with universal Wi-Fi, things get a liiiiiitle slowed down. But was the conveniently placed laptop just a coincidence? Or is it just apart of some sick, evil, plan? The answer is yes. There we go I just saved you 10 chapters. But what is the evil point behind all this?


What's that? Script format isn't allowed, you say? Well this fic isn't 100% script ANYWAYS so calm your tits the fuck down. It probably wont even appear until chapter 69. I wrote something like this for Zelda a whole ago but deleted it due to its stupidity. I'm actually a very bad writer. But oh well. Like the shit currently making its way through your small intestine, I say. Let it flow!

**Summary**: Sure Sora is busy killing black people with a key, but when he somehow obtains a laptop with universal Wi-Fi, things get a liiiiiitle slowed down. But was the conveniently placed laptop just a coincidence? Or is it just apart of some sick, evil, plan? The answer is yes. There we go I just saved you 10 chapters.

**Rating**: T, maybe M because of my language. If you think the rating should be up'd then let me know.

**A/N**: hi

**Disclaimer**: let me take this disclaimer to say that you people DO NOT NEED DISCLAIMERS. No shit you don't own Kingdom Hearts or else you wouldn't be writing FANFICTION about it (or maybe Tetsuya does idfk). So stop this bitchass nigga shit and cut the crap with the disclaimers. Gettin' reaaaaal tired of this shit.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN

* * *

Chapter One: Up Syndrome

Sora dragged his keyblade on the brick/stone/whatever the fuck it is of Traverse Town ground like a retard. It made a screeching sound, just a tad short of imitating nails on a chalkboard. Although Donald's ears were hardly visible since Walt Gisney decided not to let the poor duck suffer through the sound of his own voice, you bet your ass Donald could hear THIS.

"Thzeez, Tzhorah," Donald began, sounding like a Jew in a blender. "Zthoo ychoo hcaft to drgasch yhour cheyblaysde lyke thscaht?"

"wat" Sora replied, quite internet-like.

"Gawrsh!"

Ten seconds went by.

Goofy continued. "I THINK he said-"

Another ten seconds.

Sora and Donald stopped dead in their tracks, eyeing their friend. "Uh...Goofy? You okay there?"

"-That ya shouldn't be DRAGGIN' your keyblade along! A-hyuck!"

"...O...kay...Anyways, we have to find Riku! For some reason! I really don't know why that just seems to be a major theme in this franchise." Sora dispelled his keyblade. Wait, is it dispell? Desummon? Whatever, dispelled. He sighed.

"Why don't we ask that CHARACTER over THERE! A-hyuck!"

"Goofy I am going to slap you in about two seconds if you don't end the next question with a question mark."

"This is Gisney™ Sora! Everything MUST be exaggerated!"

"Does that explain why all of the inhabitants wear a size 8 1/2 men's?"

"E-yup!"

Sora looked down at the feet in question. "You know, I've never ACTUALLY taken my shoes off...I wonder if they're really that big..."

"Wfhy don't whee go to the Lfand of Drachgons?" Donald pitched in after a while, keeping his mouth shut because I was too lazy to type like that.

The keybearer gave him a glance. "Y'mean Mulanland?"

"Fhwat? No! Thce Lfand of DRAAACHHONZ."

"Yeah. Mulanland."

Then Goofy took a shat at and trotted back to his friends. "Hey guys I found this weird shape!"

The two others looked at the wondrous sight their friend held before them. "I think it's...some sort of attraction, a-hyuck!"

"Yhcho meen CONTRASVPPTION," Donald bitched. "Put it bahck, Goofy! Ychoo don't know hwhat it isch."

Completely ignoring the surprisingly good advice from his friend, Sora took the "contrashvpption" from Goofy's fugly mitts. He held it so that it was eye-level, looking at its black surface shine against the light. It was sleek, and sort of reminded him of those computer-like things in the computer store... He got it!

"Hey, I know what this is!" A now-happy Sora exclaimed.

His two anthropomorphic friends shouted in unison, wearing the same dramatic expression. "Yo DO?!"

The boy nodded. "Yeah! It's one of those things that are like computers!"

"Kompyooters?!" Donald screeched more annoyingly than usual. "Weren't those banned from the Gisneyverse for making kids fat and lazy?"

Goofy bit his gloved fingernails. "Gawrsh...if that's true, then you'd better get rid of it, Sora!"

Sora scoffed. "It's jut a computer. This one's probably the last in this town..." With his eyes refusing to drift from the shiny black surface before him, Sora walked over to a bench. He'd been here so many times before (or at least that's what Young Xehanort had said) and apparently knew the place like the back of his had - he found his way immediately without needing his eyes for direction. But then again he probably just could have been like four inches from the fuckin thing anyways so like how are we supposed to know right.

TL;DR Sora sat down. He attempted pressing fingers on the surface. It took him a good half hour to finally figure out he was supposed to open it. I'd describe it but, y'know. Places to go (bed) people to see (nobody).

"Uhh..Tshora...I don't thinck tshou thsould be opening thact..."

"Did you just call me a chink?" The brown-haired boy slammed many of the keyboard's various keys, much like me as I am writing this fic.

"Itsch againsch the whules for keyblayde weiclhders to use kompoouters."

For the first time in an hour, Sora made eye contact with his friends. "Oh yeah? Says who!"

"Gawrsh Sora, no need to be so defensive..."

"I'm not being defensive!"

"Tshora, thisch isch EXACHTSHLY why keyblade wheildcers aren't schupposed t-"

Sora gasped at the sudden blinding light illuminating from the screen. He'd found the power button. There was a Gisney™ logo appearing with Mickey Mouse banging Queef Minnie.

"Whoa..." The three exclaimed, their eyes more focused on the trademark than the actual disturbing image of the Royal Porn.

So for the next 48 hours Sora and the gang tried interacting with the laptop by fingering the screen. Well Sora that is NOT HOW THIS WORKS. That laptop is not a mothafuckin ipad so cut. The shit.

* * *

**tbc**


End file.
